Stories from people who have experienced abuse - Domestic Violence Resource Centre Victoria

Julie's story

What happened

At first my boyfriend was so considerate, and overly friendly. Once we started dating he started to accuse me of cheating on him, and would call me a 'slut'. He would repeatedly call to "check-up" on me. When he say me dancing with a male friend, he grabbed my arm and I fell down a flight of steps trying to get away from him. One night, he held me down and wouldn't let me leave his house.

The worst part was that I went along with everything. He would break up with me, and then I would take him back. He blamed me for his behavior, saying that if I was trustable, he wouldn't have to check on me. He would ask my friends if I was trustworthy and would check to see if my car was at work. Many times women believe that they would recognize abuse, I believed that. I am an educated woman, from a good family, with a job, and a secure future. I never thought I would end up in an abusive relationship. It was so subtle - he stole my self worth.

How I coped

After we broke up, he started to stalk me. I made two police reports against him and took him to court for a restraining order. I didn't get it. He followed me everywhere I went, sent lewd messages, threatened me. Six months later, he damaged my car. It has been a year, my friends have been a good support and a local abuse support service has helped.

How the situation changed

I avoid places I know he goes. About every couple months he sends a lewd message, but I have been able to return to a normal life. I am careful about going places by myself. I have finally realized that I am not all the things he called me, and that I am lovable. I am in a healthy relationship now that is full of respect.

What helped me

He had convinced me that I was crazy and unlovable. I started going to the support service and became educated on the cycle of abuse. I saw so clearly that it wasn't my fault. A support group has shown me that I am not alone. Friends have stuck by me- they were there-they saw what happened.

What I would say to others

It is so easy to deny. I did not want to admit that I could be in an mentally abusive relationship - I wanted to believe that he loved me. If friends and family tell you that there is something wrong with your relationship - really look at what they are saying. Don't give up your freedom or your self-worth. You deserve to be happy and to feel good about your self. It may be hard to leave - but it will always be worth. Don't be afraid to seek legal help or counselling. You are worth it!

Girl