Mandy's story

What Happened:
In my final year in high school I got involved in an abusive relationship. It started out with verbal remarks, but then it got progressively worse. I was threatened with knives, shoved, and thrown. One time I was pushed through a glass coffee table and my head went through the wall. He wasn't concerned about me at all when he did this he was only worried about the table being broken and what he was going to do with the hole in the wall. I was not allowed to see my parents and if I was late comming home from school I would be accused of having sex with someone else. I remember once when we were in a bad argument he held a butcher knife to my throat and told me that if I continued to cry he would be forced to use it. Then when I stopped crying he yelled at that too, saying I didn't care then. I couldn't win. Any and ALL arguments were started over his constant accusations of me cheating on him. I was there for two years.

How I coped:
I'm not sure I coped. I just thought that it wasn't as bad as what it really was. I had friends telling me that I had to get out. Even his brother told me that I was in danger. I tried to hide the events thinking that I would change him. At one point I thought that his mother could help, but I was wrong. She herself has a husband who beats her badly and she feels it's her fault, so consequently she thought it was mine too.

How the situation changed:
I realized one day that I had to get out and quick. Since I lived with him I had to get all of my stuff out. This slowly happened over several weeks. He was catching on. I know that I was growing stronger and I knew that I was never ever going to change him.

 

What helped me to get stronger:
Everyone! My mother, sister, his brother, and a new friend. He had threatened me and my family so we decided that the best thing was to have me leave for a while. I actually went out of the country and stayed there for a month or so to let him cool down. During that time the friend that went with me and my friends there showed me I could and would go on.

 

What I would say to someone who is being abused:
I would tell them that if you are hiding ANYTHING then something is very very wrong. A healthy relationship is one that you can share with everyone. I would also say that you cannot do it alone. You need someone on the outside to help you because no matter how strong you are, the situation you are in has unfortunately told you otherwise. Another key point is that you will never change an abuser, so don't stick around to find out what you can do. If you think that you have no-one, there is so many people out there to help you so use them!!!!