A good relationship is based on respect. Abuse in a relationship includes trying to dominate the other person, stopping them from going out, talking to others or seeing friends, putting them down or criticising them, threatening to hurt them, repeatedly harrassing, following or stalking them, physically hurting them, and/or forcing or pressuring them to do sexual things. (for more information, see What is abuse in relationships?) People use these sorts of behaviours to try to control their partner and to get their own way. Jealousy and possessiveness can also be a form of abuse, when one person treats their partner like they 'own' them and wants to make all the decisions in the relationship.

Abuse has very destructive effects on both the victim, and on the relationship. It damages trust, closeness and respect in the relationship. For the abusive person, it also damages self-respect.

It takes courage to accept that you haven’t treated your partner as well as you should have. If you are or have been abusive, you must accept responsibility for your behaviour and not make excuses for it or blame someone else. No-one has the right to intimidate, dominate or harm another person in a relationship. No-one 'asks for' or deserves abuse, no matter what they do. Feeling angry, jealous or upset with someone is no justification for abusive behaviour. Physical assault, threats to harm someone, stalking, rape and sexual assault are crimes and can be reported to police. You have to understand that behaving abusively is a choice, and stop behaving this way.

If you have abused your partner, it will be hard for them to really respect, trust, or feel safe with you again, and it may be that they want to end the relationship. If this is what they want to do, then it is important for you to take responsibility for your behaviour and respect their wishes.

If you are reading this information, then you are taking a step towards acknowledging and accepting responsibility for the abuse. If you want help to face up to the abuse and to change your behaviour, you could call some of the services listed in the Services section.

If you want help to face up to the abuse and to change your behaviour, you could call some of the services listed in the Services section.