Advice from people who've been there

How can I help a friend or a family member?

Many people who have experienced abuse have sent us their advice to others who are in abusive relationships. These are some of the things they want you to know...

I know it's really hard to get out of the relationship but you really do need to get out of it and get some sort of help whether it's talking to a friend or family member or calling a hotline! Nobody deserves to be in an abusive relationship and even though you think you can't do any better, you can. And remember, the situation is only going to get worse. (Amanda)

You need to realize that what has happened to you is not your fault. You need to see that you can be strong. No matter what, you need to tell someone that you trust so that they can help you with the damage that someone else has inflicted upon you. People who abuse are not worth being with and are not good. Once you are free everything gets better. Your whole life opens up in front of you and you can be happy again without any fear. (Samantha)

Realize that there is a problem and it is not your fault. Then, get out while you can. No matter how hard it gets, you do have the courage deep down inside to leave and help yourself. And no matter how bad it seems it will get better. (Aileena)

It is not your fault and you can not change or control the situation. Get out before you get hurt permanently or he kills you. I could have lost my life for someone who 3 months later has moved to someone new. No one is worth it and you can do better and find true happiness. (Steph)

Get out before it is to late and you really get hurt.You can't make it with a person who does not respect you. (Amber)

Get out of there. Don't stick around. I was in it for 2 1\2 years. It gets worse and worse over time.
The best thing to do is tell some one and make sure that it is the absolute truth. Go to a family member, friend, or law enforcement. They will help you get out of the relationship safely. Also, talking about it helps let it out. Cry a few tears while you're at it. It all helps. JUST GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP. You are a lot better of a person. (Cassie)

Don't be afraid of them. Tell someone who can help you. My suggestion is tell your family members. They won't be mad at you because you are their child. Be brave. Don't delay the problem you are facing. (Christy)

If I knew someone else was being abused I would tell them to get out of that relationship. Love is not supposed to hurt. It is not right to be abused and you need to find someone to talk to. Believe me, it helps. I thought that I was the only one that was in an abusive relationship until I meet this girl at college. She, too, had an abusive boyfriend. It was easier to talk to her becuase you can actually relate to what she is talking about. (Jenny)

I am very aware now that I could have ended up very hurt that night. My instincts told me that something was wrong long before the night everything blew up. I have learned to trust my self and listen to my instincts because they are actually really good. The most important thing I would tell some one being abused is to trust yourself; if something doesn't feel right it probably isn't. (Lisa)

Don't think it's your fault! Don't ever think it's okay! His hand should not touch you in a harmful way. Tell someone and get that person to help. (Maddie)

Get out. You don't need to be through this. You don't deserve the crap they put you through. (Jessyka)

To anyone that is being abused .....if you can find someone you really trust and who cares for you, please let them know. (Karish)

If I knew someone who was being abused, I'd try to talk to them about it. I'd tell them, don't feel ashamed, it's not your fault, it's his. I'd say to them, if you feel like you are able to, then get out as soon as you can, because the abuse just wears you down more and more. Stop hoping he will change, you are probably wasting your time. But be careful, because with some guys things can get scary, especially when you try to leave. If my friend didn't feel like she could break up, I wouldn't criticise her, I'd hang in there and support her. I'd say, make sure you have ways to protect yourself. I'd tell them how much it can help to talk to people about it, because if you have support it can make you feel a lot stronger.
I'd also tell them that things will get better when you are free from the abuse. You feel like you have your life back, your confidence comes back, your enjoyment of life. And even though it takes a while to start trusting people again, it also makes you stronger and more aware of your own rights. (Isabella)